you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize