So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize