I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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