I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
