Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
