wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
