Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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