quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
