Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
