It's Friday. Sex?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
