he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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