That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
