Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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