I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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