Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
