he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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