Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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