im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
