Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
