I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize