not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I AM VODKA MAN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
