i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
