he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
