Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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