Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
