i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
