$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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