OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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