forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
