I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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