JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
