Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
