We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need a beard to bite.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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