The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize