This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
