I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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