4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
