Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
