yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
