honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
