Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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