One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
