i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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