I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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