why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
