I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's the barista slut.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
