im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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