Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
