Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
