weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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