I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
