i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
