Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
