Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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