haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
