If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
