The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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