i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
