What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
