All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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