there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
