If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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