your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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