i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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