did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
