You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's shark week go big or go home
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize