Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do vagina's smell?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
