2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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