I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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