I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
