I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We have started to decorate penises.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
