Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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