"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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