my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
