Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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