i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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