Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
