Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
