So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
