Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
