Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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