is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
