He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can I color on your dick again?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
