Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
