Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
