In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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