we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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