Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
