Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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