I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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