Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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