Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
