dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
