Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
