i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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