this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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