Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
