Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
